Monday, January 28, 2013

But, you don't look sick...

All of my lupies know the saying, "But you don't even look sick..".. we've heard it a thousand times, and truthfully (speaking on behalf of the millions of us that fight this disease) We're sick of it...

Tell me something people, what does "being sick" look like..

Like this?

Or maybe, it's like this?

Either way? You're wrong.

Just because I'm not walking around with tissues, sneezing and coughing, does not mean I am not sick! People who tell me that are so ignorant to the fact that there is more than one kind of illness that makes you sick.

I can remember one time when I was at work, and I started flaring up at my desk.
I walked into my boss office.. and this is how the conversation went:

Me: Mr.Boss (I will leave his name anonymous) I'm not feeling too well, I really do need to go home.
Boss: Why what's wrong?
Me: I'm feeling really sick.

He then proceeds to stand up, and feel my head for a fever. I gave him one of those "TRICK PLEASE" looks and backed up... (you are not about to put your ole' smelly hands on my forehead.. what's wrong with you?!?!)

Boss: Sharnae, you don't even look sick, is this a woman problem?

*pause* Did this fool just ask me was it a "woman's" problem?!?!

As disgusted as I was with that comment, I just walked out the office and just dealt with it. That was when I first experienced my "You don't look sick" moment... and knew from then on I was going to face that problem with ANYBODY I told I was sick to.

One thing people got to understand about us lupies is that this disease does so much to our bodies, that even if it sounds bogus.... trust and believe that it's a huge possibly that whatever we're telling you, and explaining to you how we feel.... IT'S TRUE!!!! (Guess what?!?! We don't make this stuff up for attention!) This disease attacks ANY healthy organ in our body, and I'm sorry but until you have experienced your own body ATTACKING itself, you have nothing to say to me about "looking" sick....

*peace & blessings*

Friday, January 25, 2013

So You Think I'm Lying?!

The worst thing about having lupus is dealing with other people. Any lupie can understand why that is. Honestly, there are some days I wish I could just lock myself up in my apartment just so I don't have to deal with people.  

Lupus really is a disease that no one understands.

I go into work, attempting to live a normal life, and I sometimes find myself just wanting to sit at my desk and not do anything. From the outside looking in, it looks as though I'm lazy, I hate my job, I wish I wasn't there, and it's so not true. I actually love my job, and I hate my outer appearance seems that way, but it's really something I can't help. Lupus makes me tired. It makes me want to sleep and be anti-social. I don't go out as much as I'd like to being afraid that I'd have a flare up and freak everyone out. Medications have taken a huge toll on my body. I am so young, but this disease ages my body TEN TIMES faster than time has. 

Before lupus, I had the most energetic personality  (and I still have that) but I do have my days. I'll call in sick, and people don't understand why, thinking I'm just playing hookie... "So you think I'm lying?"... Trust me, I'd rather be at work, than at home dealing with this disease. People under estimate the actually pain a lupie or spoonie goes through. 

I feel bad for those that have friends and family that don't understand them. Most of us lupies are in this alone, that's why I cherish my lupie fam so much. Honestly, I have a few people in my life that really do understand me and pray for my healing, and I'm so thankful for them!