Thursday, October 17, 2013

It’s the “Fog” In Me.

Do any of you experience fog brain? Fog brain is described as feelings of mental confusion or lack of mental clarity. I know this isn't recognized as a health condition or listed as some diagnosis, but as a person that use to be on top of my game in everything, and now suffer from those feelings.... I’m here to tell you, that FOG BRAIN IS REAL.

Like most of us lupus patients, we go through those situations where people say things to us because they really don’t understand what we are going through. I had someone argue with me the other day and ended with the statement.. “Nae, oh my gosh, are you that slow that you don’t get it?” Now did that hurt my feelings? Um yes! Because before I started all these meds (that I truly think is of the devil) I literally could remember and process information quickly… BUT NOW… OHHHH NO!! I can’t barely function or remember important information without my planner or my phone being with me.

People laugh at me because they think when they are telling me something, and I have to repeat it to them (or can barely repeat it to them), they assume it’s because I wasn't listening, when in reality, I heard everything they said, my process of understanding what they said is what I’m having the problem with. As a person that hates sympathy I laugh it off myself. Who wants to be labeled as “the person that just don’t get it!”.

It’s even more difficult at my place of work. I work in the non-profit sector with various roles and responsibilities, and I’m relied on for so much stuff. Do you think I’m going to keep running up to my boss and say “Wait, I don’t get it” and end up losing my job?  Who’s going to pay my bills then? Definitely not this government who don’t even recognize lupus as a disability (smh, let me not get on that subject). But it’s weird how most of us lupus patients stay positive and strong when we deal with all of our symptoms, and we have definitely learned how to hide our pain and confusion very well! Yay for us! *sarcasm*

Okay, let me end this blog while I can still comprehend how to log off (*wink*)